Conflict 101

Conflict is a part of life.  We all face conflict at home, at work, with friends, with neighbors.  Most of the time we work it out or agree to disagree.  Unfortunately, there are times when the conflict is larger than our capacity for resolving it. 

Generally speaking, we each respond to conflict in a way that could be called our “conflict style.”  Some people will do anything to avoid conflict and others come out swinging with even the least provocation.  While we may be habited to responding a certain way, we can learn about the different styles and learn to make a mindful choice the next time conflict pops up. 

Let’s talk first about avoidance.  Isn’t it good to avoid a fight?  Shouldn’t we avoid arguments?  That’s true sometimes.  Say an intoxicated stranger at a bar tries to start a fight – best to walk away.  On the other hand, imagine that your co-worker has a habit of taking credit for your ideas.  Avoidance means the conflict is not addressed.  Negative feelings and resentment will continue to escalate.

Another response is accommodation.  The person who accommodates will go along with whatever is suggested, even at the detriment of their own interests.  In this situation, the goal is to appease the other person and thus minimize conflict. This might be appropriate in low level conflicts – like family members choosing where to go to dinner.  However, in more significant matters it would be wise to work toward a real resolution. 

Competition is the style of choice for the fighters among us.  From an accidental bump to an intentional wrong, the competitor is ready to solve disputes forcefully.  This person makes no distinction between small or large or even accidental or purposeful – winning is the only goal.  It is easy to imagine the toll on relationships when competition is the only method of conflict resolution. 

While the above styles are appropriate in certain circumstances, compromise and collaboration are generally considered the most effective conflict styles.  Compromise and collaboration require communication, give and take, and willingness to work together. Improving these skills goes a long way in building healthy, resilient relationships at home, at work, and with friends.

Every day people come into contact with others who have different opinions and perspectives and occasionally these escalate into significant conflict.  Understanding common responses to conflict gives you the power to choose your response.  Remember, although conflict is a PART of life, it does not have to be a WAY of life.  

If your business or organization needs help navigating conflict, please schedule a no-obligation consultation today.

Kimberly Barahona

Barahona Consulting & Mediation

832-439-3581